I am very competitive. I’ve spent most of my life tying my love from others and God to my achievements. If I do more, achieve more, then I will be loved more. The problem with being competitive is that there is always a winner and a loser. It means someone is on top and someone else falls below, you no longer see people as equal.
Although it feels good to be recognized for achievements, you are constantly left feeling like it wasn’t enough. There was more I could of done. Or worse when you fail, then you no longer feel worthy of being loved.
Many of us know intellectually that we are a child of God and that He loves us, then why do my actions show me striving for others approval still? Because my deep belief is that love is earned through achievements and how I behave. I may know many things, but I believe other things when it comes to myself.
I picture heart balloons tied to my wrist. Written on these heart balloons are what I have tied my love too, how I feel love is earned. Some of my balloons say: being funny means I am lovable, being liked by many people means I am lovable, winning, achieving, never getting upset all mean I am lovable.
One day I realized that if I un-tied all the balloons from my wrist and was left with nothing, that God still loved me. I could quit all my responsibilities and be a blob on the couch and He would still love me. It may not be what He would want for me, but it couldn’t break His love. It will always exist, no matter what we do or don’t do.
So now when I catch myself still trying to get other’s approval and not my own, I look up at my wrist and see the heart balloon tied to me. I untie and let it go.
I’m already enough. And so are you.