Several years ago, I was called as a Primary President in a Ward that got split. They were merging two wards together to make a new one. We were sad to leave our old ward and half the people would now be new to us. I felt very overwhelmed trying to choose callings from a list of people I had never seen before or didn’t know anything about. I went to the temple to receive some help. While I was pouring out my heart to the Lord (complaining), I thought for sure I was going to hear: Kendra, you are so amazing, you are doing a great job- pick these people for callings, I love you. But instead this was what the Lord replied with: It’s not about you. When you have an issue about the children you are serving, then come to me.
It’s not about you. Everything I was coming to the Lord about was about me. What if people think I’m not a good president, what if they don’t like how I do things, will I get along with the teachers I choose, why is this so hard. I wasn’t saying these things directly to the Lord, but these were my hidden fears- It was all about me.
That day in the temple has completely changed my life. ANY problem I have in my life, is when I am making it about me. Our natural woman makes everything about her. People are just living their lives and we are interpreting the world based on our own perspective, thoughts, and views of ourselves.
Whenever I have an issue with my spouse, it is because I have made it about me. I like to trick myself and believe it is him. If he would just change, then I would be happy. However, I don’t always see that it is me, just like when I went to the Lord, but the trail always leads back to me.
It’s not about you:
Your children can feel disappointed or hurt and it doesn’t have to mean you are a terrible mother. Disappointment is a part of life, I don’t have to fix this. This is about my child.
Your husband can complain about dinner and it doesn’t have to mean you are failing at your role as a homemaker. Doesn’t like pasta, got it. This is about my husband and what he likes and doesn’t like.
Your mother may not understand why you do certain things and it doesn’t have to mean that something is wrong with you or your mother. My Mom is her own person and does things differently from me. This is about my mother and she may be making it about herself and that I should be like her.
The Leaders you are in charge of don’t like the way you are running things and it doesn’t have to mean that people don’t like you. They would do it differently and is there something I can learn from them. This is about the teenagers we are serving together.
If you take yourself out of the picture and focus on who you are trying to love and serve, then your life will be filled with an abundance of love. We don’t lose ourselves or put ourselves last, in fact the more we love ourselves the more love we can offer others and not make it about us.