The One On How To Play On God’s Team.

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Heavenly Father has a team.

Jesus Christ is the Head Coach.

When you are baptized, you join the team.  You sign a contract to keep certain promises (covenants) with Heavenly Father.  When we are obedient to these promises, He promises to give you the Holy Ghost in return.

Every week at Sacrament you renew these promises.

At your first team meeting your Coach reminds you of these promises.  He says to keep the commandments.  When you are on the field playing, keeping the commandments will help remind you which way your team is going.  Keeping the commandments will set you free and help you understand the game better.  It keeps you focused on scoring your personal goals.

Next, the Savior says you promise to always remember me.  There is nothing on that field that I haven’t experienced before.  I understand the game and played it perfectly.  There will be times when you will make a bad play or make a mistake- run to the sidelines and repent.  I will embrace you.  I will always be on the sidelines waiting for you, my patience is perfect.

Finally, take my name upon you.  Wear my name on your jersey and show everyone what team you represent.  There will be people in the crowd who will boo you and think you are playing on the wrong team.  But I am the coach and can see the whole field, trust in me.

I will send you the Holy Ghost to help you out there.  You will get fouled, tackled, and kicked down- it is all part of the game.  My Spirit will be there to comfort you, you are never alone.  You may wonder why I won’t run onto the field every time you fall, I will give you the strength to pick yourself up.  This is what increases your faith in me and your own confidence.

Keeping your covenants is choosing to play in the game.

There are many on the sidelines who won’t play- they are distracted by advertisements that tell them to just relax and escape the pain of the game.  Some are so consumed with how to get the most expensive cleats, or some are too worried to be judged by the crowd.  Some really don’t believe this is the right team anymore.

Your spouse may be on the sidelines right now or has decided to quit the team.

Love him, he is still your teammate in life.

A covenant is only between you and God.

Keep playing.  The blessings and power from keeping your covenants blesses you here and in the hereafter.

I promise God will strengthen you in any situation if you stay on the field, this is His team.

 

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The One On: God Knows You.

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“…Yea, and he looketh down upon all the children of men; and he knows all the thoughts and intents of the heart; for by his hand were they all created from the beginning.”  Alma 18:32

There are so many truths from this one verse.

God knows all your thoughts.

He knows the things that worry you.

He knows at times you feel alone, especially in your marriage.

He understands that you really just want to be loved and understood.

He loves you.

He also knows your intentions.  He sees you trying.

Keep trying, don’t lose faith.

He knows these things because He created you with his own hands.  Instead of Adam and our Savior creating you like everything else, He came down himself to create you.

He has placed people here to help you.

I can help you.

I want you to feel more peace in your life.

kendra@bravestlove.com

The One On: You Have A Lot More In Common In Your Mixed-Belief Marriage Than You Think

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Imagine you are looking into a clear pool where you can see your reflection.  The reflection is a bit blurry, but you can definitely see that it is you.  All the things you may have experienced and continue to experience with a spouse changing his beliefs about the LDS church are very similar and “reflect” what your spouse is feeling.

Betrayal:  You may of felt betrayed when your spouse finally made the decision to no longer attend church or continue to believe in the LDS faith.  You thought you had married someone with the same values and being Mormon is not a passive religion.  Many of the decisions you make in marriage are based around those beliefs.  But many of these spouses also feel betrayed.  They learn something that may of been hidden in our church history or was glossed over and they feel lied too.  You both feel betrayed in the situation and it feels just as real for both of you.  Betrayal is a terrible feeling no matter where is stems from.

Hurt:  You may feel hurt that they no longer want anything to do with something that feels very real and true to you.  Hurt that this is something you believe that can cause a lot of turmoil in a marriage, having different beliefs.  Hurt that things aren’t what you thought they would be or turned out like you thought.  Many of your spouses feel hurt as well.  They feel hurt that their family members or friends have now turned their backs on them for leaving.  Hurt that people don’t treat them the same.  Hurt that a religion that has been a part of them for awhile is now something that isn’t.  You are both feeling hurt in the situation and may even be unintentionally feeling hurt by each other through your reactions.

Alone:  You may be feeling very alone.  This may not be something that you want to share with others yet, but you crave to talk to someone about it who you won’t feel judged by or felt sorry by.  You may be feeling very alone in how you are going to raise your children being the only spiritual leader in the home.  Maybe you feel more alone now in your marriage because you can’t share your spiritual experiences that are a big part of your life with your spouse.  Your spouse may be feeling very alone as well.  He has left something that guided a lot of his decisions and thoughts and isn’t sure how to navigate his way yet.  Alone in maybe feeling like something was wrong with him because he didn’t have any of the spiritual experiences that you always had.  He may of felt alone at church for a long time before telling you.

Because we see life through our own personal lenses, we think we are the only ones who are experiencing pain and that the other person doesn’t understand.  You both may be experiencing pain for different reasons, but pain is pain.  When you can get to a place where you can respect and be open to where he is coming from, then you can see that you both actually have a lot more in common still than you think.

If you are feeling very alone in your situation, I provide a safe space to share your experience.  I can help show you the lenses to how you are seeing everything and clear them up.  Email me for a free mini-session to share your story at Kendra@bravestlove.com

The One On: The Number One Way To Build Self-Confidence.

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One of my favorite quotes of all time is: Never lose who you really are in a moment of who you want to be.  I love this quote because there are things that we know in our core of what we really want, but in the moment we don’t always feel like doing it or being it.

I use to make plans with people to do something, it sounded great in the moment.  However, the day would come and I wouldn’t always feel like doing it, so I would find a better reason to get out of it.  Eventually I stopped making plans with people because I never knew how I would be feeling the day of.  The problem with this is that eventually other people couldn’t rely on me, but more importantly- I couldn’t rely on me.  I wasn’t keeping the commitment to myself.  Our confidence in ourselves is directly tied to how much we can rely on ourselves and have our own backs.  It is keeping a commitment to ourselves.

Sometimes keeping a commitment does involve other people, which is easier for us to stay committed.  However, what about the ones we say we are going to do to better ourselves and never follow through.  We slowly chip away at our self-confidence- we lose trust in ourselves.  Studies have shown that people would rather trust someone than love someone.  Do you trust yourself?

One important way to build your self- confidence is to keep commitments to yourself in the moment, regardless of how you feel.  Always choose what you really want over how you feel.  If you set the alarm to wake-up and workout, even if no one is relying on you meeting up with them, still go for yourself.  If you say you want to get more sleep and get to bed at a certain time, then go to bed.  It may not be easy and your brain will talk you out of it, but choose to focus on why you really want to do this.

Once something is on my schedule, it is as good as done.  I now trust myself that I will follow through, no matter how much I may not feel like it.  It took a lot of practice and one commitment at a time.  Sometimes I will keep my commitment and later realize that I may not commit to it again, but I still learned and made that deposit of confidence to myself.

Self-Confidence=keeping commitments to yourself.  Period.

In my Be Brave program, I help women gain the skills to be more confident and teach you how to live on a schedule so that your life reflects what you really want over just surviving each day.  Come learn more at Kendra@bravestlove.com

 

The One On: One Important Way You Can Bring Unity Into Your Home When There Are Different Beliefs.

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My Mattix who came up with being resourceful.

Your husband has changed some of his feelings and beliefs about the church.  Maybe he always felt that way, but now doesn’t want to feel like a fraud anymore.  Either way, things have changed from when you were first married walking out of the temple together.

When conditions change and they don’t match the blueprints in our minds of how our lives should of turned out, then we quickly start to see everything that is going wrong.  This wasn’t the plan.  However, there are still a lot of things still going right, but they don’t have our attention.  Even though your husband may now have a different opinion about the church and even making decisions that contradict what you still believe, there are still values that you most likely share in common.

Most couples still want what is best for their children.  Most couples still have common core values that they both live by.  One way you can show your children their is still unity in the home even though each parent now has different beliefs, is by choosing a value to focus on as a family.

I sat my family down last month and decided that we were going to choose one value to focus on as a family.  When people thought of the Huffmans, they would think…  We discussed different ideas and finally my son came up with being resourceful.  He is the same son who can’t find a pair of jeans in front of him on the floor and asks for help- so I thought this was perfect!  The Huffman House decided that we were going to spend this year being problem solvers.  Now when any of my children ask for help doing something that I know they can solve for themselves, then I ask how they can be a problem solver.  It has brought so much unity into our family because we are all focused on one value to help us all be better.  Sometimes around the dinner table we will go around and say how we were resourceful that day.

It may feel like there are so many things falling apart, but there are ways to keep it together.  Focus on what you still all have in common.  Although conditions may change, our love remains unconditional.

The One On: What Is My Role Now That My Spouse Has Left The LDS Church?

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Today I listened to a podcast by my coach, Brooke Castillo.  She was talking about this concept called “confirmation bias.”  Which means that when we have a belief about something we are constantly finding evidence to keep proving that belief true, even if it is not a healthy belief or even if we don’t want to believe it.  In general as humans, it is hard for us to be wrong about something, therefore we want to always be affirming what we already believe.  This is why two people can be sitting in a Sunday School lesson and one person is overcome by the spirit and the person next to them is not feeling anything.  They have different beliefs and thoughts which are proving what they already believe is true.  This is another reason why it is so important to be aware of your beliefs and thoughts, they are deciding how you are seeing the world.

One thing I believe that can really pierce through our own confirmation bias is the Holy Ghost.  He has the power to change any kind of heart.  Maybe it feels like your spouse’s heart is so hardened that nothing will break through it.  Luckily it isn’t your job to do it.  Your job is to love him no matter where his heart is.  I believe in the power of the Holy Ghost, stay close to him for your own comfort and guidance on what you should be doing.  Heavenly Father loves you and sees your efforts.  Learn this brave kind of love and turn the rest over to the Lord.  This requires humility.  Humility opens us up to seeing things in a new way or understanding how someone could see something in a completely different way than us.  “…a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God.  And behold they were faithful until the end…”  Alma 5:13  This is our role.

The One On How a Workout Video Takes Courage.

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We know a lot of things.  We know for the most part which foods are good for us and which ones aren’t.  We know we shouldn’t yell at our kids.  We know we should go to the temple often.  So if we know so many things, why don’t we act on the things we know are true?

“…knowing good from evil, placing themselves in a state to act, or being placed in a state to act according to their wills and pleasures, whether to do evil or to do good.”  Alma 12:31

I like to think of it like a workout video.  I know that the workouts on that video will make me stronger.  Many of us are on the couch watching the video and seeing that it could make our muscles strong.  However, we don’t want to get up from the couch.  It’s comfortable.  We don’t want to be sore the next day, so maybe we will do it next week when we feel like it.  (We typically don’t ever feel like it)  The video is too hard, I am not good at those moves.  The reasons in your mind continue to go on and on- but what they are all saying is that you want to stay in your comfort zone.  Guess what?  Muscles don’t get stronger when they are comfortable.  They only grow when they are torn and have weight placed against them- this is where the growth happens.

We came here to act.  The more willing you are to go outside of your comfort zone, the stronger you will become.  It won’t be easy.  It won’t be comfortable.  This is our purpose here on Earth: to prepare to meet God.  He wants to see our strength and watch us as we become the best version of ourselves.  Not to love us more, He already loves us.  He wants it for us, because this is what brings real joy in life.

Have the courage to step outside your comfort zone and watch your life change.