Imagine you are looking into a clear pool where you can see your reflection. The reflection is a bit blurry, but you can definitely see that it is you. All the things you may have experienced and continue to experience with a spouse changing his beliefs about the LDS church are very similar and “reflect” what your spouse is feeling.
Betrayal: You may of felt betrayed when your spouse finally made the decision to no longer attend church or continue to believe in the LDS faith. You thought you had married someone with the same values and being Mormon is not a passive religion. Many of the decisions you make in marriage are based around those beliefs. But many of these spouses also feel betrayed. They learn something that may of been hidden in our church history or was glossed over and they feel lied too. You both feel betrayed in the situation and it feels just as real for both of you. Betrayal is a terrible feeling no matter where is stems from.
Hurt: You may feel hurt that they no longer want anything to do with something that feels very real and true to you. Hurt that this is something you believe that can cause a lot of turmoil in a marriage, having different beliefs. Hurt that things aren’t what you thought they would be or turned out like you thought. Many of your spouses feel hurt as well. They feel hurt that their family members or friends have now turned their backs on them for leaving. Hurt that people don’t treat them the same. Hurt that a religion that has been a part of them for awhile is now something that isn’t. You are both feeling hurt in the situation and may even be unintentionally feeling hurt by each other through your reactions.
Alone: You may be feeling very alone. This may not be something that you want to share with others yet, but you crave to talk to someone about it who you won’t feel judged by or felt sorry by. You may be feeling very alone in how you are going to raise your children being the only spiritual leader in the home. Maybe you feel more alone now in your marriage because you can’t share your spiritual experiences that are a big part of your life with your spouse. Your spouse may be feeling very alone as well. He has left something that guided a lot of his decisions and thoughts and isn’t sure how to navigate his way yet. Alone in maybe feeling like something was wrong with him because he didn’t have any of the spiritual experiences that you always had. He may of felt alone at church for a long time before telling you.
Because we see life through our own personal lenses, we think we are the only ones who are experiencing pain and that the other person doesn’t understand. You both may be experiencing pain for different reasons, but pain is pain. When you can get to a place where you can respect and be open to where he is coming from, then you can see that you both actually have a lot more in common still than you think.
If you are feeling very alone in your situation, I provide a safe space to share your experience. I can help show you the lenses to how you are seeing everything and clear them up. Email me for a free mini-session to share your story at Kendra@bravestlove.com