The One On What Is Not Your Life’s Purpose.

IMG_E0554
Me at The Life Coach School with my Coach Brooke Castillo.

“Don’t worry about what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”  -Howard Thurman

I use to think that my life’s purpose was out there somewhere and that I just needed to find it under a rock.  What I have come to learn is that life itself is our purpose.  Being here and embracing wherever you are in this moment, coming alive in where you have chosen to be.  It doesn’t mean you will be here forever.  Maybe you feel like you haven’t chosen where you want to be right now in your life, but the millions of thoughts in your head have led you to your current results.  Your thoughts create how you feel, how you feel drives your actions or inaction, which then leads to your results.

When I had young children that were home with me all day, it was hard to think that this was my only purpose.  However, I had a thought that I wanted to be the one to raise my children.  If that is what I truly wanted over daycare or a nanny, then I better come alive and embrace my situation.  It doesn’t mean I fell in love with diapers, dishes, and doing the same things over and over again each day, but I did start to love that I could plan my own days.  I loved the few times where I got to witness a beautiful moment to watch my child and thank Heavenly Father that I didn’t miss it.  Those few moments compared to the thousand of moments of doing things that I would prefer not to do.  It was my purpose for that time in my life.

As my children got older, I used my teaching degree skills to help them with school.  Even though I got my degree in Elementary Education and got to teach in a classroom for several years, it was okay that wasn’t my purpose anymore.  Now it was to help volunteer in my kids classrooms and use those skills to teach them.  At the same time fulfilling my purpose in my callings and learning to be a better wife (still working on this one).

Now almost all my children are in school and doing great.  I have laid a good foundation for the new purpose I have discovered, Life Coaching.  All the lessons I have learned, experiences I have had, different purposes in my life have all led to this now.  This is what I have chosen to come alive in right now.  I don’t know what else the Lord has in store for me, but I trust Him.  I wouldn’t be doing my purpose right now if I hadn’t taken the time to clean up my thoughts so I can have the results I have now.  Being aware of what you are thinking and why you are doing things is the difference between trying to survive in life and coming alive in your life.  This is it.  Don’t wait to be happy or fulfill your purpose, your life right now is your purpose, so come alive!

I am here to help you clean up your thoughts so that you can stop surviving in your life and actually come alive.  Email me at: Kendra@bravestlove.com.  I think you should follow the thought to contact me already, what do you have to lose?  It’s free.

The One On: 3 Questions Every Parent Should Ask Themselves.

IMG_1484
My Kori not happy getting his hair cut.

Do you have a child that feels challenging?  Maybe they have special needs, maybe they have hormones kicking in, or maybe they just know what buttons to push.  No matter the situation or the child’s behavior, if it feels challenging to you, then it is challenging.

It is very easy to quickly blame these children for all the emotions that it stirs up in you.  They are the cause of your anger, frustration, sadness, or even anxiety.  I know you are thinking: no really, they are.  If they would change then I really would feel better.

Your child’s behavior is completely neutral.  It doesn’t cause you to feel anything.  You have a thought about their behavior that causes your feelings.  Otherwise you and your spouse would have the exact same thought about the behavior, but you don’t.  They may be similar, but not exactly the same- this is what makes it neutral.  Here are 3 great questions to help with your thoughts around your child’s behavior:

1.  How am I contributing to the situation?  This helps us to see that our child isn’t just the problem, we are participating in some way.  Understanding this takes off a lot of blame on our child and helps us be aware of our own behaviors.  Some ways we contribute are: we yell, we argue, we lecture, we hover, we judge, we inject our opinion, we “fix”, we play the victim role, we hurt, we nag, we rescue, we withdraw, we get sarcastic, we over-analyze etc.  We have chosen to participate in some way.

2.  Why am I behaving this way?  The surface answers will be that you are tired, it is the only way to get through to them, it is easier to deal with it this way etc.  However, if you dig a little deeper there you will find the real reasons why you choose to react this way.  Maybe you are afraid they will be judged by others or you will be judged as their mother for their behaviors.  Maybe we need the chaos in our lives because when things are chaotic, then we “don’t have the time” to really figure out what is going on and reflect on how we really feel about it.  Maybe we have carried fears from our past and desperately try to control them from not happening to our own children, but causes us to act in a place of fear, not love. Or maybe we really believe that we can make our child happy.  Once we understand the real reason why and that we are a part of the situation, then we can start to focus on ourselves and how we want to show up for our child, without them needing to change.  Most of the time is not about us as the parents, it is our child trying to figure out life on their path.  They need to be led, guided, and walked beside.

3.  What is Heavenly Father trying to teach me?  What am I supposed to be learning from these challenges?  It is easy to be Christlike when everything is running smoothly and people are behaving by our rules.  The real test of our patience, love, kindness, long-suffering is when our child who we feel responsible for is not turning out like we want them too.  There is a gift (lesson) from God in every situation, open it.

Parenting can be challenging to get a clearer perspective when you are in the thick of it.  Coaching helps you see the bigger picture and understand why we do the things we do.  Let’s work out a specific parenting issue you have in a small coaching session that will be free.  Email me at Kendra@bravestlove.com

The One On: How Does The Lord Want Me To Love My Spouse When Sometimes I Don’t?

 

pexels-photo-531321.jpeg

I have my path.  It is the path for my life, only me.  I try to jump on other’s paths and control where I think they should go or try to follow them, but I’m not allowed.  My only job is to walk my own path and control me.  I noticed that Heavenly Father never tries to jump onto my path and control me, maybe He isn’t allowed either.  Instead, He gives me the space to make my own choices, even the really terrible ones where He knows I will end up suffering.  He gives me the space to have my own experiences to learn from, sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t.  His love gives me space to be me and figure out my path.

How do I know He is there if He won’t come onto my path?  It is when I choose to look for Him.  I feel His love when I read a scripture that sticks out to me, I feel His love when a friend texts at the exact moment I needed it, I feel His love when I feel prompted to help someone else, I feel His love when I am snuggling with one of my children.  Love feels grateful and good.  It is not pushy, controlling, judgmental, or manipulating.

Your husband needs the same space from you.  He is walking his own path and needs the space to feel how he wants to feel.  He is trying to figure out his own life, we aren’t allowed on his path even if we believe we know what is best for him.  Just like Heavenly Father, your spouse will feel your love if he chooses to look for it.

We love our spouse because it feels good for us, we get to feel the love, no matter how they respond to it or if they choose not to see it.  We love our spouse because that is what the Savior has asked of us.  This is the bravest kind of love, and it feels right.

This is the work that I do, I help you learn the skills to be able to love like this.  I would love to help you.  Kendra@bravestlove.com to find out more information.