The One On: How to Raise Children in a Mixed-Belief Home.

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There is no certainty in parenting, we really can’t determine how our kids will turn out as adults.  I think that is why we want to control as much as we think we can.  We attempt to control our kids environment, their behavior, and their actions.

Here is the real truth: What we are teaches the child more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become.  –Joseph Chilton Pearce

We cannot give to our children what we don’t have.

We need to take all the energy we use at trying to control our children and use it towards becoming the adult that we want our children to become.

Your children are seeing and watching two ways of doing things in the home.  As a child, I watched my Mom go to church while my Dad stayed home and worked in the yard.  More than the actions, I saw who each of them were as a person.  How they reacted in certain situations, how they took care of themselves, how they treated themselves and others.  These are the things that matter.

Your children may be drawn to one parent over another, all you really can control is how you show up.  That is all Heavenly Father can ask of us, because that is how He parents.  He shows us the right way and gave His son as the perfect example, but He also allows us to see many different ways to live.

When it comes to the Gospel and raising your children as the only member in the home, be the member you want your children to be.  The Savior spent His life being who He wanted everyone to be, rather than trying to rule over his disciples.  He loved, He taught correct principles, and showed the way.  He knew not everyone would follow, but He still loved them.  And still does.

As you strive to be the person you hope your children will become, counsel with the Lord for help.

He knows who you can become.

Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good… Alma 37:37

***I have a 6 week parenting program called: Brave Parenting.  I would love to help you become who you want to be for your children.  Email me at: kendra@bravestlove for more information.  Time to be brave- email me.

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The One On How Marriage is like 2 Birds in a Cage.

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We call Kalli, Bird. She is my free-spirit. She feels the most alive when she is out flying on her own.

There is a lot of information out there about Introverts and Extroverts.  One recharges by being alone and the other recharges by being social.  One enjoys more deep one-on-one conversations (dislikes small talk), and the other enjoys group discussions.

I don’t think any of us fit perfectly into one or the other, I like to think of it more like 2 birds in a cage.

One bird is more content staying in the cage, while the other wants to be let out to explore, be with other birds, and fly.

The key is not needing to be the same, the key is to let go of any control and let your spouse spread it’s wings the way they need too.  This is how they were made.

The beauty in marriage is when the free bird can encourage the home bird to allow itself to fly every now and then, while the home bird brings comfort in the home for the free bird.

Both birds were beautifully made.  One isn’t better than the other.

You don’t need to change the other bird to feel happy in your marriage, you just need to know when to fly.  If there is love, space, and respect in the cage, then birds will always fly back home.

When each bird takes care of it’s own needs, then you are left with 2 love birds.

The One On: How To Feel Happier in your Marriage.

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Picture taken in 2011

“Now the joy of Ammon was so great even that he was full; yea, he was swallowed up in the joy of his God, even to the exhausting of his strength; and he fell again to the earth.

Now was not this exceeding joy?  Behold, this is joy which none receiveth save it be the truly penitent and humble seeker of happiness.”  Alma 27:17-18

Okay… anyone else want to feel so much joy that you fall to the earth?

Shawn Achor, a Harvard-trained researcher shared some of the discoveries he found while researching people all over the world related to Happiness:

Happiness is the joy that we feel in striving for our potential

Joy is linked to having meaning

People who have a strong community have a greater sense of happiness

Success doesn’t cause more happiness, being happy caused more success

Did you notice than none of these came from an end result?  There wasn’t a place to get too, then you would feel happy.  It was in the striving that happiness was created.

This scripture reminds us that happiness doesn’t just happen to us, we have to seek it.

To have more happiness in your marriage, you have seek out all the things that are going right.  It is in the day to day, striving of our marriages where there are opportunities to feel happy.

It is available every single day.

Many of us focus on what is going wrong, but there are things that your spouse does that use to cause you to feel happy.  What’s changed?  You started thinking about him differently, now you don’t feel as happy.

You want to feel happier?  You need to think happy thoughts.

You don’t even need to make them up, you just need to change your focus.  See the good of what is already in front of you.  Seek it.

Lasting joy comes from our mindset, but here are some tips that Shawn Achor gave that proved to help increase happiness:

*Wake-up and say 3 things you are grateful for.

*Write down as many details from a meaningful experience from the previous day- your brain doesn’t know if something is real or if you are re-living it in your mind, it gets to feel good re-thinking about something.  A meaningful experience could be as simple as smiling to someone in the store.

*Thank a different person everyday for 21 days (email, text, in-person)

*Exercise- this tells your brain that behavior does matter

*Meditation

The thought of you and I working together on this, makes me happy.  Kendra@bravestlove.com

 

The One On: The One Thing Constant in a Marriage.

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Our sealing 2001. Although my Boo is still active, I understand that people can change at any time. I keep working on me.

Being sealed to those we love doesn’t seal them off from change.  Rather, it binds us to them as, in their living, they never cease to change.  -Adam S. Miller (Letters to a Young Mormon)

I recently read through some of my old journals, it was so interesting and even funny, to read about the things that concerned me and what consumed my thoughts.

I couldn’t believe how much I have changed, even in the last 5 years.

I watch my kids and see how much they change in just one birthday.

For how much we don’t like uncertainty, the unknown, and things that aren’t predictable, change seems to be the one thing that remains constant.

When we were sealed in the temple, we had an idea of some of the changes- adding children, deciding where to live, and changing with the times.

Changing beliefs was not something you ever saw happening.

Or maybe you did, but didn’t want to stare at it.

When it is time to return to God’s presence, it will be just you.  It is our own covenants, not based on anyone else’s agency, but our own.

Keep doing your part and don’t underestimate the binding of God’s sealing powers.

Since we are all constantly changing, change into the person you want to be, it feels amazing.

Need some help with those changes? Pick me!  Kendra@bravestlove.com

Free Coaching Session

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How to get a free coaching session:

#1- Email me with any questions you might have or just introduce yourself at: Kendra@bravestlove.com

#2- I answer those questions and send you a link to schedule a free session.

#3- You click on the link, set up a time that works best for your schedule.

#4- We meet and have an awesome coaching session together.

Are you ready?  Let’s meet.

Since starting weekly sessions with Kendra, I’ve been able to do a lot of self-reflection and really discover what my hang-ups are.  Things I couldn’t see before on my own.  I’m grateful for the help and care Kendra gave me.  It was life changing!  If you are considering having Kendra help you, do it!  -Lisa