I like having a plan. I love living on a schedule. I like to be in control. But other people’s behavior, natural disasters, and my children all remind me that I am only in control of myself.
I use to hate when my plans got changed. I immediately blamed the person or the circumstance that ruined it. But then I realized something really important:
My ability to change and grow was often blocked by holding onto my plan.
Many of you are holding onto the plan that your spouse should still be going to church. If only he read his scriptures more, actually went to the temple, and kept praying- then he wouldn’t be in this situation. That may or may not be true, but sometimes it isn’t always that simple. Many people are silently suffering at church because they cannot feel what others are talking about. They have tried. Regardless of why they left, here is what I know to be true:
When you open yourself up to the idea of a new plan, then you will slowly start to release some of the pain. You and your husband are both looking at your marriage, but could be seeing it completely different.
It’s not what you look at, it’s what you see.
“God’s plans aren’t ruined just because our plans need to change. What if we found out God’s big plan for our lives is that we wouldn’t spend so much of our time trying to figure out a big plan for our lives? Perhaps He just wants us to love Him and love each other.” -Bob Goff
As members of the LDS faith, we know why we are here and where we are going. The Big Plan is to return to our Heavenly Father, but getting there may not look like we thought. And I believe Heavenly Father is going to care about how we loved through all the changes of plans throughout our time here on Earth. He cares how we love.
Whatever we are looking for, we will find. If we are looking for love, it will be there.
Here are some questions to ask yourself in beginning a new plan:
- How can I love my husband as he is and stay true to what I believe?
- What do I already know to be true and good about my husband that I can build upon?
- What are strengths we both have that add to our marriage?
- What is one thing that I need to let go of? What is blocking my love?
The Lord is on your side, always. When you feel frustrated, scared, alone, or need help remembering why you have a new plan- go to Him. The Atonement of Jesus Christ was done to bring about change. Change our state, change our hearts, change us, which makes our plans into His plan for us.
You only have control over your plan, make the foundation love and let the Savior help you.
I am also here to help you as you begin to create a new plan for your marriage. Even just one complimentary call can help you get started.