The One On How Science Taught Me About My Worth.

Love Kori’s big brown eyes

Most of us have a general idea of what DNA is.  It is basically our genetic information.  They are characteristics that are unchangeable.  For example, our eye color.  We don’t have the ability to change our real eye color.

While Heavenly Father was creating us and our DNA, He put in our worth and value.  Never to be changed.  It doesn’t matter what amazing things we have done and things we have accumulated, it doesn’t increase our worth.  It also means that there is nothing we can do to ever be worthless.  It is not in our DNA.  Our worth is set and was given to us by the most loving God.

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.  D&C 18:10

So, why is it so challenging to remember our worth?  Usually we start to measure it by comparing ourselves to others.  But, it isn’t measurable.  It’s can’t be changed.  So this causes us to believe Satan’s lies that we are somehow worthless.

Maybe you are married to someone where you started to question your worth.  Maybe you thought their love for you would be tied to your worth.  Maybe you question your spouse’s worth, that it would be higher if he was following all the commandments.

We all came to this earth with our worth woven into who we are.  All equal.  All the same.  We are all falsely trying to measure and compare them, but it is all in vain.

The moment you start to get a glimpse of the worth you have been given and start to see yourself as that person, then your life will change.  You will feel better in your life and draw even more closer to our Savior.  You won’t worry as much what others think, just what He thinks.  You won’t waste time comparing yourself, because you are confident in who you were created to be.  You aren’t supposed to have the same DNA as someone else.  Just the same worth.

I still catch myself trying to live up to others expectations or judging myself harshly for not living up to my own.  But now I can see it and remind myself that I am already whole.  There is nothing to prove.

I get to practice this over and over and over.  I get to learn this lesson and take this class on my worth as many times as I need too, until I understand it and pass.

You have worth.  You always have.  Start to believe it.


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The One On How Sometimes The Church “Answers” Don’t Help.

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The Lord speaks to our hearts.

It wouldn’t be fair if He only spoke to our intellects- there are too many different levels.

The majority of us on Earth have experienced sadness, guilt, hope, and happiness etc.

Even under completely different circumstances, as humans we can all relate to our similar feelings.  This is where the Lord speaks.  He knows whatever we are feeling will determine what actions we take or don’t take in our lives.

Most of us describe the Spirit as a feeling we have.  We can feel when we have heard truth- we may not always understand it, but it just feels true.  Feels peaceful.  Feels right.

Our hearts are used a lot as a place where we associate our emotions.  I like to picture the Spirit pricking our hearts and immediately a ray of light shines through.  It isn’t a hard prick or a forced prick- it is just right for us to know when the Spirit has spoken to our hearts.  A desire to change usually will follow.

What if our hearts are hardened?  And many signs, and wonders, and types, and shadows showed he unto them…and also holy prophets spake unto them concerning his coming; and yet they hardened their hearts, and understood not…  -Mosiah 3:15

We are told over and over that if we read our scriptures, say our prayers, attend the temple that we will be blessed and draw close to our Heavenly Father.  Aren’t these things true?  Yes.  But if your heart is hardened, then the more challenging it is for the  Spirit to get through.  A hardened heart will reject many truths, sometimes not even to be rebellious, but that is now the lense in which they are seeing everything.

I had a client who kept trying to read church articles to her husband that would hopefully strengthen his testimony and unbelief- soften his heart.  Many good intentioned members kept telling him to just read his scriptures and come to church.  It actually only fueled the fire he was feeling inside.  Her husband felt like he had done these things in the past and he didn’t feel anything while doing them.  Being at church only made him feel worse.

These men want to feel heard and validated with their feelings, even if we don’t understand.  Some don’t want to hear the Sunday School answers anymore, even if it is true.  The way to soften a heart is to accept them where they are at in this moment.  Judgement will only keep them hardened.

What if all the fears you have of them leaving, them trying things that go against your belief, leading your children astray, the unknown of your future together, being the only church member leading in the family… what if these fears just vanished?

What if you weren’t afraid?

How would you act in your marriage?  What if you took all the energy you are using to be afraid and turned it all into love?  What changes would you make?  Let the feeling of love drive your actions, not fear.

The Lord has you.  Keep your own heart soft and let the Spirit fill you with peace.




The One On: How My Son’s Favorite Book Helped Me When I Was Embarrassed.

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There was no worry, no sorrow, no pain; all that was gone.  It was like being in perfect understanding, perfect knowledge, perfect love, perfect acceptance.  -Arvin S. Gibson (Echoes from Eternity)

This is what someone described it felt like when they entered the Spirit World after a near-death experience.  I have read others describe it as having no emotion of fear, it only felt secure.  It was an enveloping feeling of warmth and love.

I wonder if this is why we struggle so much with feelings that feel terrible while here on Earth?  Our spirits remember the peace and love that once existed, but now our bodies are susceptible to all kinds of emotions.

I wonder if that is why we work really hard to resist any bad feelings.  We want to pretend they aren’t there and that everything is okay.

I wonder if that is why we have such extreme reactions to them.  We immediately start controlling, yelling, and taking it out on others because we aren’t sure how to deal with them.

I wonder if it is why we avoid them.  We turn to other things that feel good in the moment instead of dealing with anything that feels hard and uncomfortable.  We will turn to food, sleep, Netflix, drugs, alcohol, social media etc- but we end up feeling worse in the long run.  We just end up layering our pain.

I know our spirits are drawn to peace, truth, and all the good things Heavenly Father has created.  However, while we are here, we wouldn’t know about these things without the negative.  We are here to learn the difference.  Our spirits naturally know what is right, but our bodies are weak and are easily tempted.

The only way to handle all the feelings that are uncomfortable is to go through them.  I think of my son’s favorite book, We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.  We always repeat the words:  We can’t go over it, we can’t go under it, Oh no! We’ve got to go through it.  The same is true for our feelings.  You have to experience them in order to get through it.

Heavenly Father knew it wouldn’t be easy for us.  He sent us His Son so we could go through it together.  Our Savior knows all your feelings, He experienced them.  I’m sure He didn’t want to experience them either, but the only way was for Him to go through it.

It is our only way as well.

I just felt embarrassed today.  Had a conversation with someone who was letting me know that I could of handled a situation better than I did.  I do not like to feel like I am failing at something.  It feels terrible and I want to run and hide.  Instead, I told myself that I was embarrassed and disappointed.  I felt my chest beating fast and it felt hollow.  I went into my closet and prayed to Heavenly Father.  I told Him all my feelings.  I decided to see what I could learn from the experience, wrote out my thoughts and feelings on paper, and moved on with my day.  Feeling good in the moment would of been to resist that I was feeling embarrassed and blame the person who called me for “making” me feel that way (not true, my feelings are always mine to own).  Or I would of started yelling at my kids and taking it out on them, when it has nothing to do with them.  Or I would of gone and eaten some Oreos to try and numb my feelings.  The truth is- I still experienced it and I still felt that way- it’s better to just go through it and move on.

Need help going through it so you can move on in your life?  Click below and schedule my complimentary session:

The One On How To Change Your Past.

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I love a good story.  I love to read and I love when people use stories when they are teaching.

Sometimes I think about my own story.  Am I the hero of my story?  Or am I the victim?  I was the victim for a really long time.  Life was hard for me and it was because of all the other characters in my story.  They were the ones who caused me so much pain.  If they never even existed or if they would of behaved better, then my life would of turned out so much happier.  My story is a fictional story, it just isn’t true.

I decided that I was going to retell all my past stories so that I could feel better about it.  The past is over, but every time I re-think about it in my mind, I am bringing up all the same feelings again.  I keep re-living my past, even though it only exists in my mind.

First I decided that there was a reason I had my story and that Heavenly Father placed each of the characters there for me to learn something.  Either to make me stronger, to really learn how to be more like my Savior (it is easy to be Christlike when everyone is behaving how I think they should), or simply for me to know that He is there.

Next, I decided not to cringe anymore every time I thought about the way I behaved or certain decisions I made.  I don’t judge my past self anymore.  That is where I was at and it was always supposed to happen that way, because it did.  It causes me more pain to think it should of been different, when I can’t go back and change it.  Instead, I change the way I think about it, which causes me to make peace with it.

I tell a new story.  I start telling people the new story and I feel a lot better about who my character is in the story.  She is my hero.  She is just trying to do her best, even when it isn’t that great.   Through all my experiences I am learning to have more empathy and compassion for myself and others.  I can relate to so many other stories now.

Be kind to your character in your story.  Make her the hero.  Start focusing on her future and where you want her to go.  Take the beginning chapters of her life and use what made her stronger, then let go of the rest.  Everyone just wants to know how the story ends anyway.

Let’rewrite your story together:

The One On What I Believed About My Marriage, But Found Out Was Wrong.

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My Mattix diving into the Deep End.

If your brain was a like a swimming pool, then beliefs would be buried in the deep end.  They aren’t usually conscious and many times we don’t know when they jumped into our pool, but we believed them.  Over and over again.

Many of us our living our lives based on these beliefs and never question if they are actually true.  I had a belief when I was a teenager that married couples didn’t stay in love over time.  Although I found my husband and we got married, I constantly worried about how we were going to stay in love, since that wasn’t possible.  When I met older couples who appeared to be happily married, I didn’t believe them or it felt confusing because it went against my belief.

Our beliefs feel like facts to us, that they are just true.  The problem with never questioning our beliefs is that they influence how we act, whether we know it or not.  I acted like a worried and controlling wife because I needed constant reassurance that my husband still loved me.  All my attention went into trying to be loved, instead of really learning how to love someone else.

I decided to be the Lifeguard of my pool and see what was swimming around in my deep end.  What did I believe about marriages?  What did I believe a good and loving husband should be doing?  I started to question if believing that people couldn’t stay in love was true?  And having that belief, was it serving me as a wife?  I promise you it wasn’t.

When you change a belief, then you change your actions.

Your spouse may of stopped believing or decided to believe in something outside of the church, this caused him to stop taking certain actions or start different ones.  Instead of focusing on how those beliefs jumped into his pool, start focusing on the possibility of still having a loving marriage with different beliefs.

I promise you that the more you believe in yourself, then your actions will align with who you really are.  This will bring you peace.

Believe God’s power will help you.

Believe God is real.

Believe God loves you no matter what you believe.

Believe that people can stay in love, even when they believe in different things.

I will show you how to be your own Lifeguard.  My job as your coach is to help you uncover some of your beliefs so you can decide if they are helping or hurting you in your life.  Let’s get started, sign-up for a complimentary session.  I’ve got you.