My 11 year old has started to really enjoy swimming. He loves to do the Summer swim team where we live. I could tell this last Summer that he wanted to be faster in the meets, so he decided to swim year round. We found a team that swims all year and my son did their evaluation to see which level to be in. The coach said he was on the line and could go up to the faster level. I was thrilled. Being a Life Coach, I love opportunities that push us out of our comfort zones to see where our potential could be.
My son decided to stay in the lower level. I was surprised and asked him why? At first I wasn’t really listening to his reasons and just kept wanting him to hear mine. I kept explaining in different ways why it would be so good for him to move up. After a few days at practice and him not coming home super happy from swim practice, I decided to really listen this time and be curious with his reasons for staying in the lower level.
He basically said that he would move up when he felt more confident and ready. It still wasn’t what I would of chose for him, but I decided to respect his decision. I accepted that it was more important for him to swim for himself and not for me. It was more important that he made this decision for himself, then me forcing him into what I think is best.
This is exactly the same thing when you and your spouse are on different spiritual levels. Many of you may want your spouse to move up a level in spirituality. But it really isn’t our decision to make, even when we believe it will be so much better for them. They are choosing to stay at a certain level and you will feel at peace by just embracing it. It is okay to feel sad, disappointed, or frustrated at times, but those feelings come from wishing they were different than they really are. Embracing is what brings peace.
If I had not embraced my son’s decision, he probably would of quit at some point because he wasn’t doing it for himself. Or I would just be reminding him of all the evidence I could see on why this wasn’t a good decision. Instead, I shared with my son my thoughts and feelings, but ultimately he made the final decision. I accept that. If I don’t accept it, then I am in for a long road of pain and disconnection from my son. I would be trying to control him, instead of just loving him.
You may be on two different spiritual levels and that’s okay. Embrace it. Keep learning, growing, and leading on your own path. Keep focused on your own relationship with Heavenly Father, He understands how you feel. The Spirit is your guide and comfort. Keep leveling up so you can increase your ability to love. Because love softens hearts.
I have a few spots open this week on my calendar for a free session. Let’s talk through your frustrations and get you to peace. Click Here: Complementary Session
My youngest has a Cars matching game that we use to play ALL the time. He was obsessed. (I may or may not of hidden them from him). Many of you have played the matching game at some point in your life. All the cards are turned over and you have to find the matching pictures, phrases, or items.
Our feelings are like a matching game. One card has the thought you are thinking and it’s match is a feeling that comes from thinking that thought. For example:
Thought: I have so much to do! Matching Feeling: Overwhelmed
Thought: My husband is late again. Matching Feeling: Irritated, annoyed
Whatever you are feeling in a moment, was created by what you were thinking in the moment. If you want to create better feelings, then you need to match them with a better thought that you believe. It really is this simple, but not always easy.
New Thought: There is plenty of time to get done the things that matter most to me. Matching Feeling: Calm, motivated
New Thought: My husband is working hard and isn’t late on purpose. Matching Thought: Understanding, patient
These new thoughts were thoughts that I already believed, I didn’t have to make up a positive thought to try and believe, it wouldn’t of changed my feeling.
My boo and I were going on our date night last week. I was feeling irritable from the day (my thoughts about my day) and worn out by Friday evening. I didn’t want to feel irritable on our date. I decided that I wanted to feel excited about my date. I had to think of a thought that would match that feeling that I could believe. Here is the thought that worked for me:
Thought: I am excited for a night out with my hubby without any interruptions, we get to just talk and connect. Matching Feeling: Excited
Thoughts and feelings always match each other. Love is a feeling. It doesn’t just happen to us and it doesn’t just fall away. It is something that has to be generated over and over again. Day after day. Loving thoughts will match with feeling love towards someone.
My son’s eyes lit up every time he found a match. He would give me a smile to let me know that he was winning. You will know when you have found your own match. You can ask yourself: What am I feeling when I think this… This will give you power over your feelings, instead of your feelings taking over your life. You get to create your own feelings, this is winning in life!
Many of my clients are out of touch with many of their feelings. I spend an entire session teaching you how to be in charge of your feelings. We will break down your thoughts and match them with feelings, together. Don’t wait to feel better, I can show you on a free call. Click here for your complimentary session.
When the Earth was being created, Heavenly Father first had blueprints before it was created by the Savior. For I, the Lord God, created all things, of which I have spoken spiritually, before they were naturally upon the face of the earth… (Moses 3:5)
Everything we have or don’t have in our lives, started with a thought in our mind. Once we believe a thought, then it creates a blueprint which will eventually be created.
Where do thoughts come from? Our thoughts have many influences: Satan, the Holy Ghost, environment, the way we were raised, what we choose to watch and listen too etc.
This shows that we are not always our thoughts. Our agency lies in whether we choose to believe our thoughts.Thus saith the Lord God; It shall also come to pass, that at the same time shall things come into thy mind, and thou shalt think an evil thought (Ezekial 38:10) Suffer none of these things to enter into your heart (3 Nephi 12:29).
Having all kinds of thoughts is not a problem, just know that whatever we allow to enter our hearts creates a blueprint of what will come to pass. It is when we believe our thoughts (good or bad), that we start acting on them.
Look at your thoughts about your spouse. What are you believing about him and your relationship? Look at how you are acting in your relationship now, which blueprints created it? You may believe all your pain and suffering is from him leaving the church, him trying to influence your children the way you don’t want, him not giving you the space to still believe… but your pain and suffering comes from believing painful thoughts about these circumstances.
This is when you need to start believing new thoughts and re-write some blueprints. Not to go against your own beliefs about the Gospel, but to go against the beliefs that your marriage has to only look one way for you to feel happy.
You are the creator of your own blueprints by choosing what you want to believe. Unfortunately you cannot create blueprints for anyone else. That is interfering with their agency. You can’t choose to believe that your spouse will come back to church and then it will happen. You have to accept what is in this moment and then choose how you want to think about him no longer wanting to come.
For all of you who have spouses’ who are less active or have completely left the church: I choose to believe that everything is going to be okay. I choose to believe that everything will be made right one day. I choose to believe in my Savior, Jesus Christ and be guided by the Spirit. I believe the Atonement of Jesus Christ is for everyone and is always available whenever we are ready. It doesn’t expire or give up on anyone. I believe in each of you.
What are you choosing to believe for yourself? Good or bad, it will be created.
Coaching is all about looking at your beliefs and deciding if they are bringing you the results you want in your life. If they aren’t, then I can help you create new thoughts and blueprints so you can create the marriage you really want. Click here for a Complimentary Session, you have so much to gain from getting help. Don’t delay, do this for yourself and your family.