The One On: Feeling Stuck in Life? How To Move Forward.

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Me with my friends getting trained at The Life Coach School.

Faith is believing in something without having proof.  Other words that go along with faith are trust and belief.  Faith is the very first principle of our Gospel.  Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  Without faith in Him, nothing else makes sense.

The same goes with moving forward in our lives.  It has to start with a belief without having the proof.  Believing in something that we want for our lives without having it now or seeing that it is possible.

Many of you feel stuck in your lives in one way or another.  Many of my clients feel stuck in their marriage because they aren’t sure how the future will look.

It starts by believing in a future that could be possible.  Belief in something is what will help you begin to move forward.  Many of us don’t want to because we are afraid we will be disappointed if it doesn’t happen.  The truth is, you are already disappointed right now in your life.   Your current situation is not what you want or thought it would be.  Otherwise you wouldn’t feel stuck.

Belief in something puts you on a path.  You are choosing to believe it and determined to stay on the path until you get it.  No matter how long it takes, how many times you have to fail, or what you need to learn.  You will find yourself drifting off the path and questioning your belief.  Notice it and get right back on.  Belief is what keeps you moving forward.

Then one day, you will see that what you believed got you to the place where you were always meant to end up.  When I decided to become a Life Coach, I had no idea what that would look like, if I could even do it, or how it would all turn out.  I just believed that I was capable of taking the next step and believed that this would be something that I could see myself doing.  I stepped onto my path and just kept taking the next step.  I kept deciding to believe in myself over and over again.  The times when I didn’t, then Heavenly Father would for me.  I trust Him more than I trust myself at times.

Believe in something and begin your path.  You will be more disappointed if you stay stuck then if you tried.  It is only in moving that we find out where we were meant to be.

Start by taking just the next step.

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I think about if I never stepped onto my path to become a coach.  To believe in something that I had no proof in whether it would work out or not.  Here is what one of my clients just emailed me the other day: “I can’t begin to express my gratitude for your help and ongoing support and unconditional love.  I have never met a coach like you before.  Your words have helped me…”  Do you need help knowing where to start or what you actually want to believe in?  I can help you get “unstuck” and begin your path.  I was always meant to help you with this.  Click here for your Complimentary Session.

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The One On: One Way To Look At Your Marriage Differently

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These glasses say they can’t get enough of this kid.

I want you to imagine that I hand you a box with over 50 glasses inside.  All different designs and colors.  On the side of each pair has something you believe in written on it.  Once you put those glasses on then it becomes how you see everything.

If I believe that my husband is negative, then when wearing those glasses that is all I will see in him.  There are probably plenty of times where he is not being negative, but I don’t even notice it.  Our brains can really only take in and process so much information, so it just finds evidence and notices things that we already believe.  It is how it filters all the information we have access to.

When it comes to your spouse, what glasses are you wearing?  How are you seeing him?  Is it helping your marriage to see him like that?  I want to offer to you that there many glasses in the box and you can try on another pair.  What would it look like if the glasses you were wearing just said “love”?  What would you see?

Decide what pair you want to try on and practice seeing that new belief.  If I were someone who believed my husband was negative, maybe I wouldn’t be ready for the glasses that said: My husband is super positive.  I may have to try on the ones that say: He isn’t always negative, there are times where he is positive.  Then I would start to see more of the times when he was positive.

It is not easy to change glasses.  They are comfortable and is what we have always worn.  I promise you that your relationship will change just by the glasses you choose to wear.  In my experience of coaching marriages, most spouses aren’t usually quick to change.

Changing what we have always believed can be difficult, especially if we really believe it is the right thing.  Even if it feels true, it may not be serving your marriage.  I can help show you other glasses.  Learn how in a free 30 minute coaching session.

The One On: How To Feel Connected In Your Mixed-Faith Marriage.

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My Matt in College.

My hubby loves music.  He taught himself how to play the guitar.  He is always listening to bands I have never heard of.  I prefer a quiet home.  I listen in the car whatever is on the radio or what my kids like.  I lip sing at church so I don’t throw the person next to me off tune.  (You are welcome Ward).

I use to think he should of married someone more musical so that they would have this in common and feel connected.  She would sing while he played his guitar and all their kids would be super musical.

Our brains believe that what we have in common brings connection.  It believes that because it feels familiar and something we know.  Things that feel unfamiliar or we don’t understand, our brains want to judge and disconnect from.  It thinks it is keeping us safe.

I knew I wasn’t musical, so I kept looking for things that we still had in common.  That feels better for my brain to think about.  But what if music didn’t have to be something that was a disconnection for us?  What if he could be musical and I couldn’t be, and yet we felt connected in this area?

When we were dating, my favorite thing was to sit on his bed and listen to him play.  He would write me songs and play them for me.  I still to this day love hearing him play and I don’t know one musical note.  It is because I don’t judge him or myself and decided to still feel connected to him about music even though we are so different.

Many of you feel so disconnected from your spouse now that his beliefs have changed about the church.  It is completely understandable.  It is hard for your brain to understand why this use to be something that felt familiar and together on, now feels so uncertain and scary.  Our brains go into fear because it is the unknown.

It takes work and understanding to find connection when you now feel very different about Church.  Especially when what you believe is that you have the “truth” and that what God wants for your husband is to be active again.  You are going to have to start  believing that God wants you to feel connected to your husband more than anything else.  He believes in families and knows they all look very different.

Connection will start to rebuild when you can realize that you might not ever understand why his opinions have changed and that he may never understand why you choose to stay.  I don’t have to understand and learn music to feel connected to my hubby.  I just know that it is important to him and I love him.  He gets to be him and I get to be me- with all the similarities and differences in the middle.  Our connection isn’t based on those things.  I just love him.

This took lots and lots of practice for me.  It took questioning my beliefs on what I felt connected to him about.  It took taking out judgement and replacing it with curiosity.  It took me being okay that he may not always understand me and that’s okay.  I understand me.  It took many uncomfortable conversations of me sharing how I really felt about something so that I could feel connected to him and not let my brain make up what everything meant.  It will always go negative.

This work isn’t easy.  I am here to help you know where to get started in feeling connected to your spouse amidst all the changes.  Click here to get your complimentary session, let’s get started.

 

The One On: Are You The Only One Who Goes To The Temple In Your Marriage?

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Me and my Mom.

Are you going to the temple alone?  We have been reminded from our prophet to attend the temple more regularly, but maybe this feels challenging because you know you will always be going alone.

When you are the only parent still going to church in your home, it can feel overwhelming by the responsibility to do all the spiritual leading on your own.  There are times where you may worry if you are doing enough, if your kids will still want to follow their other parent, if you are strong enough to keep up on what is asked of you.

Heavenly Father knows these responsibilities are a lot, but He doesn’t expect you to do it all alone, even if it feels like that.  The time you take to attend the temple will help relieve some of these burdens and give you literal power to be able to keep going.

It is easy to get caught up in all the things that would be easier if someone else would just change.  You will hit a dead-end in your efforts every single time.  Focus on the things you can do that don’t require any force or needing anyone else to change.  It is not required to have a companion at the temple.  You can go alone and many people do.  Although it isn’t always easy and you wish you did have a companion, the blessings and power that come from going on your own far outweigh the challenges.

Many of you want strong families and plea with the Lord to help you.  Going to the temple will bring you “ongoing spiritual strengthening and tutoring that is only possible in the House of the Lord.” (President Nelson)  Answers and strength will come there.  Maybe not the first time, or the second, but they will come when you go there open to the Lord’s will for you.

If you really don’t want to go alone, which is understandable, we have a new way of ministering in the church.  Ministering means to help someone with their needs.  If you have a need to go with someone, then ask for a friend or a sister to come with you.  You always have options.  The important thing is that you go and feel more peace in your life.

My Mom got her endowments out many years after she was married since my Dad is not a member of the Church.  She has gone to the temple every week alone for over 20 years.  My Mom never complained about going alone or forced me to go when I became older, but she would share her feelings of how going to the temple strengthened her to keep going in life.  That example has been so powerful in my life and I know it has given her power as well.

Let the temple be your refuge, not a source of stress or sadness.  Come.

If the temple doesn’t feel peaceful for you or you have other hesitations about going, I would love to talk them through on my complimentary session.  This is a safe space to work out some of your feelings and thoughts.  Click here to chat.

The One On How To Get What You Want.

two brown and blue ceramic mugs
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

There is power in the word: and.  We limit ourselves when we think there is only: but, or, however, if only, etc.  If there is something that you want, then use and, not or in getting it.

It begins by asking how, while using the word and.  Whatever you ask your brain, it will answer you and give you evidence to see that it is possible.

How can I be a present Mom and an entrepreneur?

How can I show love to my husband and say how I really feel?

How can I get my kids to do what I ask and stay calm?

How can I say no to this thing and feel good about it?

How can I share my opinions and be open to others opinions?

How can I be humble and self-confident?

Do not box yourself into one thing.

Don’t limit yourself by how others think you should be behaving or by what you believe you are only capable of.

Use the power of and and go get what you really want in life.  It is possible.

 

*How can I really apply this to my life and have someone help me with it?  Click here for a free session, let’s get started together.