The One On: What Is True Agency In A Relationship?

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Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself. 2 Nephi 2:16

Agency has always existed even in the Pre-Mortal life.

Agency is the ability and privilege God gives us to choose and act for ourselves.  Without it we would not be able to learn, progress, or follow the Savior.

Some of us aren’t using it very well.  And I don’t just mean in making poor choices.  I mean in how we are reacting to our lives and relationships.

Agency at its best is when acceptance has come first.

When we fight against how our life is looking, how other people are behaving, how we think everything should or shouldn’t be going… then our agency is used to only react.  We say and do things we wouldn’t normally want to do.  We don’t choose what is best in that moment for ourselves or others.

When we can pause and accept what is happening in the moment, then we can decide how we want to think, act, or feel about it.  This is our true agency.

God knew many of us would have to endure many different kinds of circumstances, but He gave us our agency to think about our circumstances however we want.  This determines how we feel about them.  Otherwise we are at the mercy of our circumstances and other people to decide how we feel- and that goes against agency.

There is no agency is trying to control or change someone else.  It is why we all fight hard against wanting to be controlled.  We are happier doing things when we have made our own choices.  Instead of trying to control another person we can put in requests or we can set boundaries for ourselves, not for them.  This starts first with acceptance that we cannot control another adult.

For example, someone says something to you.  It feels hurtful to you.  You may want to react back and try to say something that feels hurtful to them or you get really defensive.  Instead, you can pause and accept that they said words to you.  How do you want to feel about what they said?  What are you making it mean about yourself?  Is it even true?  Don’t waste your time arguing that they said something to you, it happened.  Period.  Now decide how you want to think about it and what you want to do about it.  You have so many options at this point to think about it however you want.  Depending on what you choose will determine how you respond to it.  What would love choose?

This is agency at its best.

Accepting things can feel very challenging, especially when it comes to other people.  However, it is the difference in feeling like you are just putting out fires all the time and treading water in your life, to actually creating the life you really want that feels way more peaceful.  Click here to learn more.



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