A marriage is like an appetite. It needs to be nourished and fed properly. We don’t want to give it “empty” calories- saying things we don’t really mean or not having any truth behind our words. We also don’t want to force feed it with whatever we feel like eating.
In a mixed-faith marriage, we aren’t eating the same foods anymore, but we can still enjoy different foods at the same table.
We want to feed our marriage so it can continue to grow and even thrive. When we are starving to be heard, starving to be seen, or starving to be understood in our marriage- then we don’t always act like our best selves. I start to lose my patience and energy when I have gone too long from food.
To keep your marriage healthy, it is important for your spouse to be able to share his new beliefs with you since leaving the Church. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but if you starve your spouse of this, they can build even more resentment towards the Church and disconnect in the marriage.
I know it is hard to swallow sometimes what they are thinking and feeling. It can feel very scary and you may believe they are under the influence of Satan or other negative influences. Whatever you may believe, no one wants to feel like they are evil because they don’t see things the way you do anymore.
If you have to start with hearing little bites at a time, then start there. Be very open with your spouse about how much you can digest. The important thing is that the marriage is continually being fed with love, understanding, and patience.
I know how hard this can feel, it’s almost like being on a restrictive diet: uncomfortable, painful, and we just want to run from it. However, there are good reasons why learning to listen to our spouse and not taking any of it personal is very healthy for your marriage in the long-term. Most of us don’t see results right away when we begin a diet. You may not see results in this right away, but I promise they will come.
Let me be your personal trainer and help you learn to digest all the changes that come when a spouse changes beliefs. CLICK HERE to get started.