The One On: Do You Feel Like Giving Up On Your Marriage?

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Do you ever feel like giving up on your marriage?

It’s just too hard.

It feels like two different people trying to force something to work.

So many compromises.  You give in to something to make peace, but end up building up a wall of resentment.

You may be asking yourself: How did I end up here?

This isn’t what I chose.  Why do people have to change so much?  How much do I have to change to make this work?

You start to lose faith in the relationship.

You might be scared and worried and want to just run away from it all.  However, the kids are keeping you together.  What is best for them?

To all of you who feel hopeless in this moment, who wonder if your marriage is even worth it…

The answer is yes.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.  1 Corinthians 13:7

There is hope.

Things may not look like you thought, but love can still be found everywhere.  It’s because God is in every detail of your life, and He is Love.

A Love Mindset can heal anything.  When love is the driving force for all your decisions and reactions, then you can endure anything.

Sign-up Here to get help with your mindset.  Learn to make decisions from a place of love.

(I don’t ever condone or excuse any kind of abuse, if you are in a situation where you are being physically or emotionally abused, then follow the promptings you receive and don’t talk yourself out of them)

 

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The One On How To Cope With Stress In Your Marriage.

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Satan is darkness.  The very blackest of colors there is.  He wants us to stay hidden and keep things in the dark.  Where things can grow, fester, confuse us, keep us lost,  and feel completely hopeless.  It’s where things become out of control because they aren’t being dealt with.  We start to act in ways we normally wouldn’t or do things that don’t feel like us because we haven’t taken care of all the things buried inside of us.

Instead of dealing with all the pain and negative feelings, we avoid them.  Bury them deeper and deeper, hoping they will somehow vanish.  The problem is, they never disappear.  They are just slowly building up and will eventually come out in ways you least expect from yourself.

Christ is light.  He is the brightest of all colors.  He is transparent, clear, and pure.  When things are brought out into the light, then we can begin dealing with them.  We can even use Christ when dealing with them.  Things in our life need to be looked in the face, seen, understood, and dealt with so we can bring change if we want it.

This applies to every aspect of our lives, but most importantly to our relationships.

We may be harboring things that our spouse does or things that happened to us as a child, and when they haven’t been truly dealt with, then our spouse is an easy target to take things out on or blame for things.

How do we get things into the light and properly deal with them so we aren’t unintentionally ruining our relationships?

The best way place to start, that is completely free, is through writing it all out.  We need to empty what is inside of us to let better things fill us back up and it can begin with writing it all down.  I always tell my clients that they can burn the paper or throw it away when they are done.

Writing is so powerful because you can see what is really going on inside of you and begin to face it, without an outside opinion involved.  Sometimes we just need to think something through and process it before we decide to hear what others have to say about it.

There have been times in my life where I felt very alone.  I didn’t think anyone would understand me or even cared to know what I was going through.  Or if it involved  someone else, I didn’t want to feel like I was talking bad about them to others.  I began to write out my thoughts about how I was feeling and what I was dealing with.  This would lead to insights and help to understand why I was feeling a certain way.  Then if I needed more help, I would pray or talk to someone I trusted.

Marriage can be very stressful.  Life in general can feel stressful.  They key is to get out what is causing the stress so that you can take care of it in the way you want to instead of reacting to it and taking it out on others.

I wake up early and write every morning.  I just start writing whatever is on my mind.  I don’t worry about my penmanship, I don’t judge the things I am writing, I just know that I am trying to empty out whatever I am feeling so that I can take a look at it.  Once I look at it, I can decide if I want to change it.

Here are some good questions to ask yourself while you are writing:

*What am I afraid of? Why?

*What is really bothering me? Why?  (answer) Why? (answer)… the more times you keep asking yourself “why”- the deeper you will get to the real issue.  P.S.- all roads lead back to you somehow.  Which is great news because you are the only person you can really change.

*I like to ask myself: What’s the matter love?

*What feels the most stressful right now? Why?

*Is this really true?

*I’m feeling so ________ because __________.

None of these are meant to solve your problem, but it is the first step to awareness and getting things out into the light.  As a coach, I help you to know what to do with all these thoughts and how to move forward from them.  But even just having more self-awareness around why you do the things you do or what has buried itself inside you- will bring you some freedom and relief.

Don’t keep things in the dark.  It only makes things worse.  Brings things out so that things can get better.  After I finish writing, I like to go and pray about it.  I think of the song, I Know that My Redeemer Lives, when it says:

He lives to comfort me when faint. 
He lives to hear my soul’s complaint. 
He lives to silence all my fears. 
He lives to wipe away all my tears. 
He lives to calm my troubled heart.  He lives all blessings to impart.

Pray to Heavenly Father and let Him hear your soul’s complaint.  Empty it all out and I promise you that He will fill you back up with exactly what you need to heal and move forward.

P.S.  I help my clients know what to do with the things that come up for them.  Let’s get on a call so I can hear where you feel stuck and where you aren’t sure how to move forward.  Click Here to schedule your live call with me.  It’s time to begin healing.

One of the Best Investments you will ever make.

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When you are investing into something now, the hope is to gain even more for the future.

What if you were to invest time, attention, and love into your marriage now so that you could reap even more rewards in the future?

I think about all the time I spent investing my time and energy into my children when they were little.  I bought many parenting books and even took a parenting class.  I chose to invest in spending time with them and being there for them when there needs felt demanding.  There were many days when I felt exhausted and couldn’t see the fruits of my labor.

However, now that my children are a little bit older and more independent, I am reaping all the rewards of putting the time into establishing good habits and behavior.  I took the time earlier on to build a more solid foundation.

The same can be true for ourselves and our marriage.  The more we invest into them now, the more rewards we will continue to reap later on.  It can begin today.  It doesn’t matter how long you have been married or what you have been through, you can begin to build a new foundation today.

However, the problem with investments for some people is that you aren’t meant to see instant results.  It is a slow and steady process that builds over time.  Many of us are too impatient and so we revert back to what will work in this moment, even though we may pay for it later.

I just watched the movie, Free Solo.  It was about Alex Honnold who climbed El Cap without any ropes.  The most impressive part to me was the time he invested to get every step right.  Months of recording his moves, practicing, and working towards his goal.  He invested and sacrificed so much of himself so he could achieve what he really wanted.  Yes, it was life or death for him, but how much are we willing to sacrifice and invest to keep our families together?

It begins with one step at a time.  Maybe you need to invest in some coaching or counseling to learn skills to navigate your marriage better.  It could be investing in making time each day for your spouse, letting them be a priority in your life.  It could also be investing time into loving and taking care of yourself so you can take better care of others.

The Lord wants us to do things that will be good for us, not what may feel easy or good in the moment.  This means at times we have to learn to wait to see our rewards, but when we do, it is always worth it and beyond what we imagined.  I would give anything to feel what Alex felt at the top of that mountain.  The reward is as sweet as the effort it took to get it.

Go get it.

Investing into your marriage now, is investing into your eternity. 

Click Here to get on a free call with me and begin investing into your future family.  Let’s do this together.

The One On: Where is God in my Mixed-Faith Marriage?

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Heavenly Father always meets us where we are at.  Even though He knows our full potential, He still guides us based on where we are in this moment.

The same is true for your mixed-faith marriage.  He knows the potential it can have, yet He will meet you right where it is in this moment.

This moment might be really hard.  It might look like there is no future in your marriage or hard to even see that it could get better.

He is there.

I read something a man wrote today about his mixed-faith marriage.  His wife has left the church and today he said that he was glad it happened.  He can now really see her, hear her, understand her, and even choose her.

Many of you cannot see yourself ever being able to say that you are glad your husband left the Church or are even grateful for it.  Especially during the beginning of him leaving or even in the middle of trying to work through everything.  However, this man has made it through the other side and can honestly say that.

The other side is when you start to see the light make its way through the clouds.

The journey to get there may be long and filled with a lot of pain, but the Lord is with you in every moment of it.  He can see where your marriage can go.  One thing to keep in mind is that He is never in a hurry.  Heavenly Father wants us to really learn something deep inside us before we move on, but He still there even when things don’t look like we imagined.

I want to walk beside you as you make your way.  I believe it is possible and have helped many clients start to see the light on the other side.  You can have an even better marriage then before your husband left.  Might sound crazy, but it is true.  I can help you.

Click Here for me to hear your story and get you to where you want to go.