“Often incorrect judgments are made because of limited information or because we do not see beyond that which is immediately in front of us.” -Elder Gregory A. Schwitzer
Everyday we are making judgments. It is a part of our agency, meant to help us return to our Heavenly Father.
However, most of us are judging others that isn’t used in a way that serves us.
And we have all felt judged and misunderstood by another person. It feels terrible.
Hiding becomes our answer to avoid judgement.
*We hide our true feelings or thoughts from others because we are afraid of how they will respond, especially if it is with anger.
*We hide our struggles and questions we have about our faith because we are afraid our spouse might leave us.
*We hide who we really are at church because we don’t want to feel judged or talked about by other members.
Anytime we hide our true selves, it is because we are afraid of being judged.
The problem with hiding, is that we slowly lose ourselves and aren’t really living our best lives. We aren’t experiencing our fullest potential in life and in our relationships. We are missing out on real connection, from hiding behind someone we aren’t.
The most beautiful and whole relationship, is one where each person is free to be themselves and know they are still loved.
Many of you who have a spouse that has left the Church, worry about the judgments of your family and friends. You feel anxious about your spouse really sharing their new beliefs with them and everyone judging you and him for it. None of us like to feel judged, it seems easier to hide.
Although it seems easier, it always comes with a price. We start to resent others where we can’t really be ourselves. Or we continue to hide more and more of ourselves and end up distancing from the relationship or environment. It feels easier in the moment, but really it puts you in a constant state of worry.
For me, it is like when I use to play hide and go seek growing up. The little bit of fear I felt waiting to be found, not knowing when they would find me… it didn’t make me feel safe, it only made me worried. There was some relief when I was finally found. There is relief that can come when you are finally found out and think- This is Me. This is Us. This is Him.
There is this peaceful place where you start to realize that your opinion is the only one that truly matters. You choose your spouse feeling like himself over the judgments of others. It can feel very uncomfortable in the moment, but on the other side is peace from not hiding anymore.
How do you learn to not worry as much about the opinions of your family and friends judging your spouse for leaving?
It begins first with you giving space to your husband to be himself. So he doesn’t have to hide what he really believes and is feeling. This takes time, love, a lot of patience, and even some outside help. It doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything, but you are trying to understand and allow him to come into the light to be seen.
Once you and your husband work through the many issues that come when there are two different beliefs in the home, then you can start working on the people outside of your relationship. Most people are judging others by only what can be seen on the outside. They may or may not understand your marriage or spouse, and that is okay.
I give you permission to never have to explain yourself to anyone. Those who truly want to understand, will take the time to. Otherwise there will always be judgment, but my hope is that you will be brave enough to stop hiding from it and stand in who you really are.
Need help with hearing your husband’s new beliefs and perspectives now that he has left? Let me help you feel less worried about everything and begin to feel some peace in your situation. Click Here to set up a free call to learn more.