I want you to imagine two buckets. One says: Capable, and the other says: Not Capable. Each day we are filling up these buckets. When we fill up our “Capable” Bucket, then self-confidence and self-trust overflows inside of us. When we fill up our “Not Capable” Bucket, then self-doubt and insecurities take over.
How do we know which bucket we are filling up more?
You will know by how much you trust yourself.
Trust: firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone (you) or something.
Here are some questions to assess your level of self-trust that I created, some are from my BFF Brene Brown:
*Do I respect my own boundaries? Am I clear about what is okay and what is not okay?
*Am I reliable? Do I do what I say I am going to do? Even if it is just to myself.
*Do I hold myself accountable? Do I take responsibility for my life?
*Do I respect the privacy of others? Can they trust me?
*Do I act from my integrity? (Choosing to practice my values rather than simply professing them).
*Do I ask for what I need? Do I judge myself about needing help?
*Am I kind and generous towards myself?
*Do I have my own back? Can I trust that I will support myself through every failure?
Self-trust is vital in relationships. If you don’t trust yourself, then you will find it hard to trust others and you will live in a constant state of disappointment. Here is how it works:
When we don’t trust ourselves and keep filling up the “Not Capable” Bucket, then we rely on others to help us get what we need. So we set up expectations that very few people can ever meet because it is what we need, not them. When our expectations aren’t met, then we blame the other person, become resentful, and live in disappointment. This fills up our bucket with lies saying that we can’t do it on our own, we aren’t capable, and then we become even more needy of others… and the cycle continues.
When I started my business, all the technology overwhelmed me. I kept asking my husband to just do it for me. He is way better on computers and could figure it out in half the time I could. But my husband is busy with his own work and I didn’t like having to wait. I just expected him to drop everything and help me! But, because he didn’t, I had to learn all the technology myself. I figured out my own programs and systems. I had to ask for help from Google and through the help options with the different programs I was using. In the end, I felt so empowered and confident figuring it all out myself. It sent huge deposits into my “Capable” bucket. I would of never known I was capable if I wasn’t willing to just try and figure it out myself. I still asked for help, but it was me taking the initiative. I had to remind myself that this was my business and I shouldn’t be putting this on someone else because of my own fears, then blaming them when they say no.
The more trust you have in yourself, the better partner you become in a relationship. You learn to take care of your own needs and learn to rely on yourself to make it happen. You set the other person free from your constant disappointment. When you trust yourself and learn to do hard things, then you earn your self-confidence. You are the only person who can fill your own bucket.
A mixed-faith marriage opens the door for many opportunities to see what you really are capable of on your own. You will have to figure many things out and stand alone in some of your beliefs. There are many times when we just want someone else to do things for us or be something else for us, but that only adds to our “Not Capable” bucket. However, I know you are a capable of so much and can set your marriage free from so much disappointment and resentment.
You’ve got this, Who better than you?
If you need help getting started with learning to really trust yourself to build your self-confidence, then sign-up here for your free consultation call. Let’s chat and see where you want to go in your life and in your marriage. (I only have a few spots left open)